


Purpose

by ace_writergirl



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, brittana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:00:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24034699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ace_writergirl/pseuds/ace_writergirl
Summary: What was the point? She had no purpose. Now she had no drive. There was no point. Not without her…Brittana two-shot.
Relationships: Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce
Comments: 4
Kudos: 58





	1. Santana

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on ff.net in 2012...

_What was the point?_

_More accurately, what was the point now?_

_Now she had no purpose. Now she had no drive._

_What was the point?_

_There was no point. That was pretty much the reality. There was no purpose. There was no drive._

_Not without her…_

* * *

Santana Lopez had been in love with Brittany Pierce since she was eight years old. Back then, she hadn't known what the strange warm sensation in her tummy had meant. But she did know that whenever Brittany smiled, or kissed her cheek, or took her hand, that feeling in her stomach made her want to burst – but in a good way.

One day, she and Brittany were sitting under their tree during recess and Brittany picked a flower from a small growth spot next to them. She handed it to Santana with a smile. Santana's tummy started jumping up and down.

"This is for you, San," she said softly.

"Thanks, Britt. But I don't have anything for you."

"I don't need anything," Brittany replied quietly, looking down. "You're my best friend and as long as I have you, I'll always be okay."

Impulsively, Santana leaned forward and kissed Brittany's cheek. "You're my best friend too, Britt. We're gonna be best friends forever."

"Forever," Brittany agreed with a big smile.

* * *

When they were twelve, Brittany kissed Mike Chang and Santana didn't speak to her for three days. She didn't know why she was so mad and so sad at her best friend.

It was a Saturday and Santana was curled up in bed. It had been raining all day and she'd just been staring at the raindrops trickling down her window. She didn't want to cry, but that bursting feeling in her tummy had moved into her chest and sometimes it ached so much that she couldn't help herself. She squeezed her eyes and felt tears run down her cheeks and onto her pillow.

There was a soft knock on her door and Santana thought it was her mom again so she ignored it. She heard the door open and close quietly. She thought her mom had simply poked her head in to check on her, but when she felt the familiar dip of the mattress, she knew exactly who it was.

"San?"

She didn't answer. The ache in her chest just swelled up again, her vision blurring with tears. She felt an arm anchor itself around her and tighten.

"I'm sorry," came the whisper. "I didn't know that you'd be so upset."

Santana still didn't say anything and neither did Brittany. She just lay behind her, holding onto her tightly. She must have fallen asleep at some point, and when she woke, she found that she had turned and was now facing her best friend, who was also asleep. Brittany's arm was still gripping Santana's waist tightly, afraid to let go. She lay awake for a long time, just watching her sleep.

That ache in her chest was still there, but it was lessening as the bursting feeling in her tummy started up again. Her heart started to best slightly faster as she softly shuffled closer.

She wondered what it had been like for Mike Chang to kiss Brittany. She found herself studying her best friend's lips as she slumbered peacefully. They were soft and pale and her bottom lip jutted out slightly in a pout.

Santana's heart was pounding really quickly now and she tried to breathe quietly through her nose, but she felt all sweaty and shaky. She didn't understand what was happening to her body, but all she did know was that she really wanted to kiss Brittany.

So she did.

It was barely a brush of lips, but the tingling sensation it gave Santana made her gasp slightly. Her ache was completely gone and her tummy felt like it wanted to burst again.

She wanted to do it again.

So she did.

She kept her lips on Brittany's for a little bit longer and it made her feel like she was floating. The arm around her tightened even more and then Brittany was pressing her lips against hers as well. Santana immediately broke away and looked down, embarrassed that she'd been caught.

"That was nice," Brittany whispered.

Santana looked up at her and saw the smile that she loved. A small smile etched itself onto her face and Brittany leaned forward.

Santana found that she could forgive Mike Chang for kissing her best friend because she thought that it was the most amazing feeling in the world.

* * *

Puck kissed Santana on her thirteenth birthday and she didn't know what to do. Brittany hadn't seen it happen, but Santana immediately wanted to find her best friend and hug her.

When she told her, Brittany held her close and told her that it was okay. Santana whispered that she didn't want to kiss anyone but her. Brittany whispered back that she didn't either.

* * *

Santana changed in high school. She knew that she did. But she was always the same person to Brittany because she loved Brittany.

She pretended to date Puck and Brittany pretended to date a whole bunch of guys. They refused to go any further than kissing with boys, though.

Every night, they would curl up together, be it at Santana's house or Brittany's house and whisper how much they loved each other and would be together forever.

One night, Santana told Brittany about Puck putting his hands up her Cheerios skirt and Brittany whispered that she wanted to do that.

So she did.

And Santana put her hands up Brittany's skirt.

They smiled and moved together and told each other how much they loved each other. Afterwards, they pressed tightly to one another, promising never to leave each other.

* * *

Santana cried when she slept with Finn. Brittany also cried because she was the one who told her to do it. They spent the rest of that weekend holding each other and making love because they really didn't want anyone else.

* * *

Brittany broke Santana's heart a week before her seventeenth birthday.

"San, I need to tell you something."

"What's up, Britt?"

"I'm moving."

Santana didn't say anything. She rolled away from Brittany and faced the window. It was raining again. She was feeling that ache in her chest, but she knew why. She was in love with her best friend and she was leaving.

"I don't want to go." Brittany's voice was sad.

Santana still didn't say anything.

"San, please say something."

"I love you." She whispered it, before squeezing her eyes closed and crying.

* * *

_What was the point?_

_More accurately, what was the point now?_

_Now she had no purpose. Now she had no drive._

_What was the point?_

_There was no point. That was pretty much the reality. There was no purpose. There was no drive._

_Not without her…_

* * *

Santana went through senior year in the background. She was still a Cheerio and still in Glee, but she had no passion. Her passion had left with Brittany.

Brittany moved to Pennsylvania because her mom got a job there. They texted and email and Skyped, but every night, Santana would go to bed and cry.

Brittany tried to visit, but her parents wouldn't allow it. They said that her relationship with Santana was far too co-dependent and intense and she needed to find other friends.

When she told Santana, she didn't know what to think. Brittany was her everything. She didn't want to share her. She didn't care if their love scared people. She just wanted Brittany.

Suddenly, she stopped texting. She stopped emailing and she stopped Skyping. Santana was broken. No matter what she did, she got no response.

* * *

_What was the point?_

_More accurately, what was the point now?_

_Now she had no purpose. Now she had no drive._

_What was the point?_

_There was no point. That was pretty much the reality. There was no purpose. There was no drive._

_Not without her…_

* * *

Days became weeks. Weeks became months. Soon, it was April and Santana briefly thought that if she worked hard enough that she could get into NYU or Columbia and see if she couldn't find her.

But Miss Pillsbury told her that she wouldn't have enough credits, even with Cheerios and Glee because her schoolwork had dropped considerably since Brittany had left.

Coach Sue was having a baby and the hormones had somehow reminded her that she had a semblance of a heart. Santana didn't really care about what she said. Something about a scholarship.

She had no purpose anymore. She had no one to laugh with. She had no one to kiss. She had no one to talk to.

The gleeks gave her solos, but Santana didn't care.

Her parents suggested a college road trip, but Santana didn't care.

Quinn offered her co-captaincy, but Santana didn't care.

Puck propositioned to go down on her, but Santana didn't care.

What was the point?

Nationals were in New York again and Santana just took everything in. Maybe she should just come here anyway? Anything would be better than Lima, right? Away from all the memories. Away from everything that reminded her of what she didn't have anymore.

The gleeks had convinced her to do a solo at Nationals, and she did, bringing the house down.

They didn't win, but Santana didn't care.

Two weeks before graduation, Santana told her parents that she wanted to go to New York. They asked why and she just shrugged.

It was the most initiative she'd shown in a year so they jumped at the opportunity and started preparations.

Mr. Schue called her into his office in the last week of school. Miss Pillsbury was there too. Someone had seen her solo at Nationals and wanted her to feature on his album. He wanted her in New York the next week.

 _Okay_ , Santana thought. _Maybe I can do this_.

* * *

New York was easy for Santana to drown in. She could remain invisible. People didn't stop her every five seconds and ask her if she was ok, or if she'd heard from Brittany.

It was refreshing.

She recorded with Tony Bennett, which was actually really cool. She was polite, but the song just reminded her of Brittany.

She missed her. Terribly. She still cried every night in her tiny apartment.

Tony Bennett offered to let her record her own song in his studio. She declined.

Their collaboration hit the airwaves and suddenly she was being called by agents offering their services and record companies begging her to record with them.

She talked to her mom and she encouraged Santana to try writing her own music.

So she did.

She talked to Tony Bennett and he helped her, guiding her in the right directions, suggesting styles and tempos that would work best for her.

Three months later, she was in post-production, running through the ten songs she'd written and recorded for her debut album. Her agent, Michelle, had created a huge buzz around it and her.

The record company was still waiting for an album name from Santana, but she couldn't come up with anything. All she could think about was Brittany. Every lyric, every note was created with her in mind.

* * *

 _Purpose_.

It came to her when she was lying in a hotel in LA. She sent a text to her producer and turned onto her side, looking at the rain dripping down the windows. She closed her eyes and cried.

The launch party was massive and Santana just went through the motions. She fake-smiled her way through countless photographs and introductions. When the first single was released, the response was overwhelming. She wasn't sure of what to make of it all.

 _Rolling Stone_ called her the next Amy Winehouse, but Santana didn't care.

Her recording studio signed her on for two more albums, but Santana didn't care.

Tony Bennett threw her a congratulatory party, but Santana didn't care.

Her twentieth birthday was approaching and her producer wanted to throw a huge bash. Santana shrugged and went back to writing songs for the new album.

* * *

She'd never seen so many celebrities in one place before. And they were there to wish her a happy birthday. Santana let herself smile a little.

But she missed Brittany. She hadn't heard from her in over two years, but she didn't love her any less. She probably loved her more.

She was out on the balcony and looking out over the city, remembering the wish that she'd been yelled at to make before blowing out the candles on her huge birthday cake.

She wished for the same thing every year.

"Santana."

She smiled to herself, closing her eyes. Her mind loved to torture her, whispering to her in Brittany's sweet voice, just to remind her of what she'd had once upon a time.

She felt a pair of cool hands on her neck, running across the open back of her dress.

Clearly her imagination was on some hallucinogenic. But it felt so nice, remembering what Brittany's hands felt on her bare skin. She kept her eyes closed as she turned around, wanting to remain in her dream world for a little longer.

She felt lips press against hers softly. She sighed. Her memories were good – they remembered exactly how Brittany felt when she kissed her.

"San, open your eyes."

She blinked and her eyes adjusted to a clear, crystal blue that she was certain she'd never see again.

"Is this real?"

Brittany smiled and nodded, leaning forward to brush her lips against her cheek. Santana reached out and gripped her, sure that it was some cruel joke and that she'd disappear in a few moments.

"I found you," Brittany whispered, cradling her face in her safe hands. "I'm sorry that it took me so long."

She didn't care. She didn't _care_.

Santana stood on her tiptoes to kiss Brittany again, just to make especially sure.

"I love you."

She pulled Brittany tightly to her as they alternated between hugs and kisses. The pressure that had been sitting in her chest for the last three years settled back into her tummy and started jumping around.

"I love you, Britt."

 _She_ was the point – Brittany was everything. She was her reason to breathe, to get up every morning, to eat breakfast, to write songs, to perform, to sing to her in the shower as they made love under the warm spray, to stay up an extra ten minutes every night to just watch her sleep.

Brittany was her purpose.


	2. Brittany

_No matter what, she would always be able to find her. No matter how far or close they were, she was always her destination. She was her beginning, her middle, and her end._

_She was her purpose._

* * *

Brittany Pierce didn't remember much about her life before she met Santana Lopez. Later, she realised that it was because nothing mattered because Santana gave her life meaning. Before Santana, nobody looked twice at her, deeming her too unimportant to spend time with. She used to spend her recess alone on the swings or sitting under a big tree so that no one could see her cry.

The day that Santana Lopez walked into the classroom, seven-year-old Brittany felt her heart flutter. She thought that it felt kind of like a bird had got caught inside her chest which suddenly made her worry about a bird being stuck inside of her.

Brittany was the only one with an empty space beside her because no one wanted to sit next to her.

She watched as the teacher bent down to whisper something in Santana's ear and gestured to Brittany. Santana frowned and walked to her table.

"Hi, Brittany," Santana said with a smile. "I'm Santana."

"Hi," Brittany whispered. She wasn't used to being spoken to by other kids but her parents had told her that not replying was rude.

Santana pulled out the chair and sat down, resting her head on her hands, looking bored. Brittany tried hard to study her math workbook in front of her, but after a while, the numbers started to swim together and her head started to hurt. She grimaced and Santana saw it.

"You stuck?"

Brittany shook her head. She could do math. It was actually pretty easy. But she always got distracted and then she'd forget to do the work.

"Show me."

Santana pulled her chair close to Brittany's and she thought that the new girl smelled really nice. Like…she smelled like sunshine. Brittany liked the sun.

"You've got all these right," Santana said in surprise.

Brittany shrugged. She was used to people talking to her in those kinds of tones.

"Then why…?" Santana trailed off and frowned at the teacher.

"What?" Brittany asked softly.

Santana turned to look at her and Brittany felt the little bird in her chest flying around, trying desperately to get out. Her eyes were so dark, the darkest she'd ever seen.

"Do you have any friends?" Santana asked.

Brittany sucked her lips in and shook her head. She turned back to her work and wanted to cry at the amount of hurt in her chest. The little bird had stopped fluttering, but now it felt like there was nothing there and Brittany thought that it was worse.

"I'll be your friend," Santana declared.

Brittany looked up and blinked at Santana. The action caused two tears that had been pooling in her eyes to run down her cheeks. Santana's dark eyes looked more chocolate and she smiled a small smile before lifting her thumb to catch the tears.

"I'm going to be your best friend."

"I think you already are," Brittany whispered.

* * *

She was twelve when she had her first kiss. Mike Chang had dance class with her on Wednesdays and one day after they'd finished, he came up and asked her if she wanted to go to a movie that Friday night.

Brittany paused because Friday nights were usually her sleepover nights with Santana and she loved them because she got to cuddle with her and the little bird in her chest really seemed to enjoy it when they did that.

She told Mike that she'd have to think about it and he leaned in to her. Surprised, Brittany turned towards him and his lips met hers instead of, what she figured later was probably a kiss destined for her cheek. She just stood there and let Mike kiss her. He blushed when he pulled away and told her he'd see her at school.

When she told Santana, her eyes went darker than she'd ever seen them – and she saw them a lot. Before she could say anything, Santana turned from her and ran. She didn't see her again until that Saturday. She didn't go to movies with Mike because she really, really wanted to have a sleepover with Santana.

But when she didn't arrive at her house, she curled up on her bed and cried, the little bird in her chest going very quiet.

* * *

When they started high school, Santana told Brittany that they had to keep their relationship a secret. Brittany didn't understand why because she liked Santana and Santana liked her and she liked kissing her.

They joined Cheerios and became popular. But Santana changed. She became mean and Brittany didn't like it. When it was just the two of them, though, she was the Santana that made the little bird fly around in her chest like a crazy thing.

Santana told her that she had to act like that because it protected them. Brittany didn't pretend to understand the complicated high school totem pole. As long as she got to dance and be with Santana, she didn't care. If Santana told her that they needed to do something, like join Glee, then Brittany did it without question. Glee actually turned out to be fun and it relaxed Santana so much that she allowed small moments of affection between them and Brittany loved Glee for that.

Santana still kissed Puck and Brittany kissed lots of people. She knew that it didn't mean anything because Santana was still sleeping in her bed, cuddled up to her every night, whispering that she'd never leave her. Those moments made the little bird in her chest fly around excitedly.

* * *

Santana's hands on her body set the little bird in her chest free. When she felt that amazing explosion in her stomach, it escaped her chest for a brief moment before resettling. Hearing Santana whisper words of devotion and affection as their naked skin was pressed together was possibly Brittany's favourite thing in the world.

* * *

Coach Sue was mean. She laughed at Brittany and said horrible things to her. Even though Santana always made her feel better, Brittany felt like she needed to do something to prove to Coach Sue that she wasn't stupid. Because she wasn't. She really wasn't. The world was just very…distracting.

So when Coach told them to go after Finn Hudson together, she didn't mind so much. But that didn't work, so she thought that if Santana tried to seduce Finn that it would make the both look good.

That was the worst decision Brittany had ever made in her life. When Santana crawled into her bed afterwards, crying, Brittany just turned and held her, the tears that had been streaming down her cheeks all night running into Santana's hair. The little bird had been very quiet.

* * *

Brittany was excited for Santana's birthday. She had a weekend trip away planned for them. Just them. They were going to go to the beach spend hours and hours in bed. Just them. No parents, no early morning Cheerios practice, no Glee rehearsals, no Puck or Finn or Sam or Mike or any other boys to pretend with. Just them.

"Brittany?"

She'd just got home from Glee and Santana had given her a wonderful goodbye kiss before driving off with the promise of returning later than evening. Her little bird was very happy.

She skipped into the living room and saw her parents sitting on the sofa.

"Hi! You guys are home early. Santana's coming over later. Is that okay?"

"Brittany, you should tell Santana that she should stay home tonight."

Brittany frowned. "Why?"

Her parents looked at each other and Brittany saw that sympathetic look that Santana hated. It always made her really angry when people looked at Brittany like that.

"Brittany, we have something to tell you," her mom said.

"Okay."

"We're moving to Pennsylvania."

Brittany blinked. Her little bird went very quiet.

"Where am I going?" she asked.

"What do you mean? You're coming with us, of course."

"But what about Santana?"

"Brittany, your relationship with Santana is too intense. You're only sixteen. You need to make other friends."

"I don't have other friends because no one else likes me!" Brittany suddenly shouted. "Santana was the only one who spoke to me. Everyone else just pointed and laughed. She…she's everything." She whispered the last part.

"Exactly the point, Brittany. We feel that your relationship has become…unhealthy."

Brittany frowned. Nothing about Santana was unhealthy. She breathed life into her. She was her reason to get up every morning. The little bird protested in her chest, demanding that she do something.

"I love her." It was the first time she'd said it to anyone other than Santana.

"And that's why we're moving."

"Why can't I love her?"

"It's…Brittany, you can't have a future with someone like Santana."

But Brittany knew they were wrong. Santana was completely her future. No matter where she was, Santana would be there. Her little bird knew that as much as she did.

* * *

_No matter what, she would always be able to find her. No matter how far or close they were, she was always her destination. She was her beginning, her middle, and her end._

_She was her purpose._

* * *

Brittany hated Pennsylvania. She knew Santana hated it too. She looked sad every time they Skyped and her emails and texts were lacking the energy she knew Santana always woke up with. Her little bird was very sad too.

Brittany's new school was okay. She became a cheerleader and joined their Glee Club too, hoping that the common activities might take her to Santana at some point.

She asked her parents if she could visit her over winter break, but they said no. They told her that she needed to forget Santana and make her new life in Pennsylvania. Brittany refused.

"I will _never_ forget her."

So her parents took away her phone and disconnected her internet. Brittany was devastated. She had no way to even tell Santana what had happened. She was going to think that she'd deserted her when in fact all she wanted was to be right next to her, touching her, holding her, kissing her, whispering in her ear how much she loved her and would never _ever_ leave her.

She couldn't remember Santana's number, no matter how hard she wracked her brain. She went to bed every night, sobbing her eyes out because she just wanted the little bird to fly out of her chest and go and find Santana and tell her that she loved her. But the little bird stayed put, fluttering every now and then but staying generally quiet.

* * *

_No matter what, she would always be able to find her. No matter how far or close they were, she was always her destination. She was her beginning, her middle, and her end._

_She was her purpose._

* * *

Brittany's Glee Club didn't get to Nationals, but she knew that New Directions had and Santana had apparently had a solo. She wished so, so much that she'd been there to see it. Her parents weren't budging on giving her phone back so Brittany thought long and hard about what her options were.

Number one, she needed to go to college as far away from her parents as possible so that she could find Santana. Where would Santana have gone? She wouldn't stay in Lima. She'd always said that they were gonna get out, but they'd never mentioned where. Would it be in New York? LA? Would she come and find her? What if Santana came to Pennsylvania and she was gone? What if…she'd forgotten her?

No.

_No._

They were everything. Brittany and Santana. She believed that with her whole heart. Every now and then, the little bird in her chest flew around a little to remind her.

* * *

Brittany worked harder than she'd ever worked in her life. Her cheer coach was actually quite nice – a lot nicer than Coach Sue – and offered her cheer scholarships to different colleges. Her first thought was whether Santana would go to college, and if she did, would she pick any of the places that Brittany had been accepted to?

She had a dream where her little bird escaped through her belly button and Brittany followed it, running down road after road after road. Eventually she found it sitting on a bench in a big park. Brittany walked around; the bird perched on her shoulder. She came to the edge of the park and looked up to see the Empire State Building. She remembered it because Santana had shown her a picture of it for a project they'd done in middle school.

She woke up the next morning and looked at the schools in New York. The bird was back in her chest and fluttering around happily.

* * *

New York wasn't what Brittany had been expecting. She was majoring in dance and trying to shuffle her cheerleading schedule around rehearsals and gym. The programme was incredibly demanding and all Brittany thought about when she got back to her dorm was falling into bed. The little bird in her chest was not happy, but Brittany knew that she had to keep up her grades if she wanted to stay in New York and keep her scholarship. The scholarship was the only reason her parents had let her even go to college out of state.

She heard Santana's song quite by accident. One of her classmates was playing it on their phone and Brittany froze when she heard the familiar, sultry, smoky voice. The little bird went crazy and Brittany smiled. How would she find her?

* * *

Life threw Brittany a curve ball that she wasn't expecting. Her group of dancers were asked to put together a piece for a showcase. But the showcase was in LA. Brittany knew that she was at a crossroads. She could go to LA and lose more time with Santana or she could stay in New York and lose her scholarship, which meant that she'd have to go back to Pennsylvania anyway.

Her little bird wasn't happy and stubbornly remained very still for the nine months that Brittany spent in LA with her group.

* * *

_No matter what, she would always be able to find her. No matter how far or close they were, she was always her destination. She was her beginning, her middle, and her end._

_She was her purpose._

* * *

She returned to New York and her first order of business was to get a phone. The whole troupe had been paid pretty well and Brittany could afford a phone and internet and all that stuff herself.

Her little bird fluttered around like crazy and it made her smile. She was going to find her Santana. She downloaded her song that she'd sung with Tony Bennett. _Tony Bennett_! Brittany remembered Santana going through his music many times for Glee assignments. She bought a laptop and immediately logged onto the Wi-Fi in her dorms. Santana had an album coming out. Brittany grinned widely. She was so happy that Santana was sharing her beautiful voice with the world.

She was having a big birthday party in two weeks. The little bird flew excitedly around in her chest and Brittany agreed. She was going to do whatever she had to, to get an invitation to that party.

* * *

_No matter what, she would always be able to find her. No matter how far or close they were, she was always her destination. She was her beginning, her middle, and her end._

_She was her purpose._

* * *

There she was. She was beautiful. She was breathtaking. Brittany held her breath and just watched her for a few moments, taking in the reality that Santana was standing a few feet away from her, staring out at the New York skyline.

The little bird flew around furiously and Brittany listened to him. She did more often. He seemed to know exactly what she needed. She stopped a foot away.

"Santana."

She seemed to have heard her but didn't turn around. Brittany swallowed and raised her shaking hands to Santana's bare back, lightly caressing the soft skin she'd missed so much. Santana started to turn around and the little bird went into overdrive. Her eyes were closed and Brittany just stared at her. She was so beautiful. She really, really wanted to kiss her.

So she did.

Santana responded, but Brittany kept it quick, wanting more than anything to look into those dark eyes that reached into her soul and encased her heart, keeping it safe and warm.

"San, open your eyes."

And there they were. Those beautiful orbs that showed surprise, happiness, suspicion and above all, love. Brittany smiled.

"Is this real?"

She nodded and leaned down to kiss her cheek. "I found you. I'm sorry that it took me so long."

* * *

_No matter what, she would always be able to find her. No matter how far or close they were, she was always her destination. She was her beginning, her middle, and her end._

_She was her purpose._

* * *

Later that night, they were lying naked in Santana's bed, bodies completely entwined when Santana turned her head to rest her lips on Brittany's forehead.

"How did you find me?"

Brittany smiled. "A little bird told me."


End file.
